Do They Make Genetically Modified Essential Oils?

So the other day I walked into this lady's office and saw this upward smoke fountain billowing out some sort of crazy cinnamon volcano-level action.  Essential Oils, they told me.  Diffuser, they told me.

My eyes started to water.

It was also around 100, or 150 degrees in the office.  The lights were off, shades were drawn, faces lit only by computer screen backlight, and the peaceful pulsing purple light from that defuser.

I decided to go the benefit-of-the-doubt route and started to breathe in as deeply as I could.  I put my face right in that Christmas flavored fount of misted oil, closed my eyes, and inhaled.  I felt it flit by my nose hairs, fill my sinuses, flood its way to the very darkest corners of my lungs--the corners so far only touched by body odor, or that really amazing smell that hits you when you walk into a taco bell around 3 pm.

I went to another level.

That steady stream of steam goodness showed me a clear way of solving the worlds biggest problems.  It walked me down a path where anger was set aside, hunger was managed, and teenagers made their own beds.  Without being asked!

At that moment, I realized what I had been missing in life.  Looking at me, you would think I had it all--smoking hot wife, amazing kids, house, job, multiple cars, skateboard ramp in the backyard, good looks and winning personality.

And in thinking that you'd not be wrong, I do have it all.  But... if you had been there that day, if you had put your nose where I put mine, and if you had breathed as deep as I breathed in that verticle well of wonder, you too would realize...


...that you need this graphic on a t-shirt:

I made this.  Let me know if you want one.